Elon Musk Accused of Instigating Epstein Story

Trump's and his 69 sided dice

Months ago, President Trump acknowledged that he's playing a game of chess that goes far beyond 3D. One might say he's reached the point of 69D, playing so far ahead of everyone else that they simply could never keep up. In the case of Epstein, the President understands what's at stake.

As one source puts it: "Trump isn't in the files because he's a pedophile. He might be a hebephile or a ephebophile, but there are bigger issues at stake. First, Trump has slept with a LOT of married women; and those women and their current or former spouses do not want the press coverage. Second, Trump murdered Epstein; and he doesn't want people to discover the details."

When asked why Biden didn't reveal the Epstein files, another source responded, "Biden didn't even know who Epstein was. Joe was never invited to the cool parties."

Another source provided valuable insight: "Epstein was involved with so many shady situations that involve Donald Trump and a whole host of powerful people - some whose names you don't know; and they would like to keep it that way."

The media, of course, has collaborated with Elon Musk to present a false narrative linking Trump to pedophilia. This tactic has worked, uniting pro-Trumpers and anti-Trumpers for the first time ever. A statistical analysis done by one of the universities found that people who hate Trump agree with people who love Trump on only one topic: Epstein.

"Epstein is the great unifier," another source said. "He knew people you'll never know; and they want to keep it that way." Repeatedly, sources assured VNN that these unknown people would like to keep their names concealed from the public, mostly for nefarious reasons.

An additional source confirmed that most USA-ers are gullible and would fail a reading comprehension class right now. "Truth is," said the source, "USA-ers are intelligent, but, for various reasons, they are terrible at processing information. Instead of thinking rationally about the Epstein case, most people have gone off the deep end."

Critical thinking matters

All of the sources agree that people need to look at the forest from the trees. Trump isn't deflecting because there's proof of him raping kids. He's deflecting because the most powerful people in the world are involved in this matter; and they don't want you to know their names, their affiliations, nor their behaviors.

An AI version of Barack Obama agreed with VNN's findings, saying, "First, my wife isn't a man, so most Trump fans are just plain stupid. It's no surprise they're buying into Elon Musk's trickery. Of course, Trump haters are also very stupid. Remember when I fooled them into thinking they can keep their doctors; and then I went on CNN and admitted that many of them won't? Simply put: USA-ers are idiots. I had so much fun for 8 years."

Reports indicate that USA-ers probably won't catch on to Mr. Musk, but they may be surprised when they find out that Trump personally strangled Epstein to death. "Jeff was scared shitless," one of the prison guards told VNN in confidence. "He was terrified of Trump because he knew The Don is the most intimidating man on the planet. Plus, Jeff knew that Trump was pissed at him. It was game over."

Soon, Epstein's accomplice, Ghislane Maxwell, will spill the beans, but she won't have much to say. First, she doesn't know that Epstein was murdered. Second, she cannot be trusted due to being compromised. Third, she knows that Trump will kill her if she says anything incriminating.

Bottom line: Trump isn't a pedophile, but he probably sexually assaulted minors and is therefore a hebephile and an ephebophile. With that said, it doesn't matter. As one man said recently on C-SPAN: "The White man been rapin' and stealin' ever since they fell outta the trees. This ain't no different. Grow up."

Alex Jones of Infowars has admitted that if Trump were to be caught raping kids, he could no longer support him. However, the even bigger issue is that Trump ruined the marriages of countless people by taking pleasure in creating a wedge between couples. "Trump took advantage of wealthy people, so I guess you'd call that White on White crime. So, what's the issue?"

An extremely anonymous source whose name has never been revealed to the public sent the following message via Signal: "Trump and Epstein exclusively targeted rich people. Even the girls they raped were mostly from wealthy backgrounds, which means the Left Wing of the USA should celebrate. Afterall, Left Wingers are pro-execution when they see fit. Left Wing comedians love punching up on rich or otherwise White people. In fact, a Left Winger would get immense pleasure from witnessing the demise of a rich or otherwise White man. So, there's no problem here.

The extremely anonymous source continued: "Trump screwed over countless married, rich, White men by screwing their wives; and the Left is mad about this? Oh, that's right, the Left is only mad about the pedophilia. Oh, wait. Trump never raped kids 1-10, so not only are the Left Wingers stupid, but they're morally bankrupt as well. Plus, many of them have raped minors as well."

Sources around the world agree that Elon Musk's attempt to undermine Trump has actually caused a fundamental rift in the fabric of global society. "It's possible he'll be assassinated," two sources wielding machetes told VNN. "You just wait. Elon's gonna get it. Be glad he's not married, or Trump would screw his wife too."

Note: VNN did not kill itself.